I talked with Doris recently about some advisement things. We got to talk about grad school applications and such. One of the main things she wanted me to figure out is why I make/do/like art, because that's a big thing to include in your statement of purpose. The "why art" question. This question makes me a little scared. Before, when asked this, my answer "mainly, because they let me". A lot of that stems from the fact that I can't grasp how the whole idea of how art works. Why would somebody buy art? Why do people care about art? Does it actually matter? I've learned how to make art. I'm pretty good at that for my experience. I like to make things. I like to think. It's fun. So I make art. On top of all of that I get to make up my own rules. Something else that prevents me from figuring this out is that I don't have strong feelings for many things. I also hate being sappy about things. I hear people say that they just " have to make art". That makes me want to puke. Maybe I'm just mad that I can't feel things like that about my own work. Occasionally, I really feel like I'm getting away with something. I don't feel like I'm working hard enough. I get surprised that they let me do this kind of this thing in school. It's all too easy for me. Even when I'm working really hard, it doesn't feel that hard. Shouldn't something be boring sometimes. Maybe I do it for the attention. More to come on this some other day. Crisis?

posted by cliff

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